30 Cents

Yesterday after visiting my patients I stopped in a local shop with Abby.  I knew she wanted more time to "explore" before heading home so I thought this would be a fun opportunity.  The problem was I found a small item that was priced right and I thought I needed it.  But the shop only took cash and I don't tend to carry much cash on me.  I realized this as I opened up my pocketbook.  I began counting my change and it became quite obvious I was short.  I really thought I could scrounge up enough, but even after digging through the bottom of my purse I still needed 30 cents.  I was slightly embarrassed that I didn't have enough and assured the lady that I could run and get some money and be right back, but she insisted that she cover my 30 cents.  I thanked her and she asked that I do the same for someone else.  Later I thought about that and how I need to be more mindful of how I can give to cover others needs.  I also reflected on  how pride welled up inside and made me want to turn down her gracious offer to cover my need.  Hmm.  Don't we have the same difficulty when it comes to recognizing our need before a Gracious Savior? 

For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 5:19-21

Tiny Clenched Fists

Yesterday Abby and I visited our hospice patients at the hospital.  After the visit I walked over to the bird aviary so Abby could watch the birds.  She is just fascinated with them.  Typically other patients are nearby and our stop at the aviary can lead to conversations with them.  Abby is an excellent conversation starter.

Jean, one of the patients, stopped and admired Abby and we struck up a conversation.  She noted that Abby had her fists closed tight as her little head swiveled around watching birds and the people around us.  Jean mentioned that the "old-timers" used to say these clenched fists meant she would be a smart one.  "Oh?"  I responded as I had never this saying.  "She'll always hold tight to her money so she'll be rich someday,"  Jean explained.

At home I recounted this old wives' tale to Jeff with some amusement.  He commented that he hoped Abby wouldn't hold on to her money, but would be always be giving it to others.  His comment reminded me of my propensity toward stinginess.  I love any ministry where I can serve others.  I'm willing to give of my time and skills to help those in need, but I find it difficult to be giving when it comes to money.   I'm all for tithing and giving an offering above this, but I find it difficult to be a spontaneous giver.  I'm very frugal with my money and like to have that extra padding in savings just in case something might go wrong.   I realize these things are not wrong, but sometimes I begin to trust in our paltry savings to get us through the difficult times instead of relying on God's provision.  When God prompts me to give I shouldn't even consider how this affects our savings account, I should simply obey (no, I don't give money away without my husband's knowledge).    I don't want to have clenched fists when God tells me to open my hands to those in need.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, When it is in the power of your hand to do so. Proverbs 3:27 

If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food,  and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.  James 2:15-17

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Reaching for What I Want

Abby is eight months old.  She's crawling and cruising.  This presents daily challenges.  She loves to explore, as all babies do.  While her toys are strewn throughout the house, all within arm's reach, they aren't good enough.  She's always reaching for the items I don't want her to have.  Like the remote.  My phone.  A glass of sweet tea or coffee.  Important paper documents.  Electrical cords. She doesn't comprehend that when I move items out of her reach, it's for her own good.  I don't want her to injure herself or the item.  As I was watching her reach for items this morning I was reminded of the many times I've reached for possessions, jobs, relationships, and God continued to move them beyond my grasp.  At the time it's frustrating.  "I almost have it," I think and then it's unattainable. 

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!"  Matthew 7:11 

God as our gracious Heavenly Father does not withhold good things from us.  It's that our definition of what is "good" and what He knows to be "good" differs.  He may provide us with the gift of cancer when all we wanted was our health.  He may give infertility when our desire was for a child.  He may wipe out our savings when we were preparing to retire.  In all of this God is good.  God's sovereign plan is accomplishing something beyond our comprehension.  Perhaps God is refining us or seeking to glorify His name.  It is not ours to know here on this earth. 

Am I willing to accept the desires He does not permit to be fulfilled and say "Not my will, but yours, Lord"?  Can I become so satisfied with Christ that in everything that occurs I can humbly state, "The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away [or withheld]; Blessed be the name of the LORD." Job 21:1